On this Tuesday I demand a meeting of the Conspiracy Counsel (C2). Marcus and I shall unlock the Secret Underground Kansas (SUK) bunker’s main conference room for the event on Monday.
It has come to The Pissed off Tree Rat’s attention that there has been a despicable lack of insidious plotting being reported in the news lately. For Pete’s sake even a damn chicken sandwich gets more press than the future Imperial Overlords. Really?! We need to get our act together, stop hunkering down under dormant volcanoes, and start producing. Where are the plots huh? The schemes? Anyone even TRIED to clone a super warrior lately? No? Unleashed a zombie plague on the cities of the world? No? Exactly, that’s my point. We’ve gotten complacent watching the American government, U.N., Arab League, EU etc do our dirty work for us out of their sheer ineptness. That is NOT how we get 500m tall statues of us constructed at the shores of our Empires now is it? We need to be the ones bringing the chaos to the streets. So you lazy bastards plan for a full day’s agenda below and see you at the SUK on Tuesday. If you are not there I swear I’ll give your seat to The Fett. He’s been spamming the hell out of my email box asking me when a seat’s opening up. I will give him yours if you miss the conference.
7 Aug Meeting of the C2 Agenda (Draft_v1):
0800 All minions report for conference room clean up and prep. At a minimum all minions will: remove all spent shell casings and empty hooch bottles left over from The POTR and Marcus’ Opening up the SUK Pre-Party held the prior night. Make sure the coffee pot is on with fresh ground. Put out donuts. Wake up The POTR and Marcus. If they can’t be located look under the conference table for them.
0900 All C2 members on-hand for social hour and free continental breakfast. We will NOT be serving Lucky Charms this time. BLT, and The POTR, have officially declared them as crappy hangover food.
1000 Ice breaker exercises. Bring at least two extra minions, primary and a backup, for the death match portion. NO cyborgs this year! Those damn things smell like ass and the air circulators still need to be replaced in the SUK.
1100 Open range time. There are no restrictions this year on small arms calibers but plasma and energy weaponry must be in compliance with posted range safety instructions. If anyone (i.e. BLT) is already drunk from the inevitable drinking during the ice breaker exercises then I’d recommend the donning of some body armor when on the firing line. It’s not a requirement. I’m just saying it might be a good idea. If the Fett happens to horn his way into the shoot again then Marcus is responsible for making sure he’s told that there are NO DISINTEGRATIONS allowed on the range. We still have not replaced the SUK’s mascot dog from the last time.
1200 Range BBQ lunch. We will be catering in some fine K.C. BBQ and a keg of beer. You cheap bastards WILL pay $20 each or you will NOT eat. Minions (if you are a softie and actually care about their food requirements) are extra, and do not get beer from the Counsel Keg. No checks. Who the hell do you think we are anyway. Checks.. geeze…. Yeah I’m talking about you Colonel. PayPal will be accepted, but only in advance.
1400 Reading of the notes from the last C2 meeting. Just kidding 🙂 of course we don’t take any notes. Never leave a paper trail right? That’s sort of Conspiracy 101.
1400 Review old Business; initial invasion point for C2 Imperial conquest. The POTR has rescinded his Canadian Invasion proposal in favor of a full Madagascar occupation plan. Last session that plan was called “fucking stupid” by Marcus and a blocking veto was presented. He, along with a voting block of BLT and Quilly Mammouth, counter proposed Belize. The POTR then yelled “suck it” and now claims to have released the Ebola virus in Belize to crap on that plan.
1415 Consider new initial invasion point for C2 Imperial conquest.
1430 Report on progress of Ebola clean up efforts from that dumb ass tantrum The POTR threw in Belize.
1445 The POTR will launch a veto attempt on the clean up effort as it is wholly un-C2 and a waste of a cool plot.
1500 Report on Operation Bring the U.S. Govt to a Grinding Halt (OBUSG2GH) by Agents Pelosi, Reid, Boehner, McConnell and Biden.
1530 By C2-by laws this is a mandated one hour mid afternoon “brown liquor social break”. BLT has gracious offered to present a sampling of the finest brown liquors he’s acquired in the Land of Magic Underwear. Reminder, you are authorized to use your minions to safety sample anything BLT gives you to drink. Also remember that your minions are NOT to get blotto and start fires in the SUK latrines. Yeah….. I’m talking at you BLT! Keep a handle on your minions this time.
1630 Post social drunken plotting. We will dedicate this agenda window to real plotting and conspiracy scheming. The POTR will be limited to 10 minutes cumulative time before the auto taser will kick in to allow for the rest of the C2 to get a word or two in. End result is no less than two insidious plots being reported in the news by the end of this fiscal quarter. Of course by standard C2 math that means we will require no less than seven insidious plots being formulated and executed. Rember, letting a few plots leak to the media keeps the C2 mysterious and feared.
1800 Closeout rousing speech by Marcus entitled “Get off your lazy asses and execute some insidious plots already, and how you should avoid Ebay-ing when drunk.”
1815 Load into The POTR’s hover battle tank so his minions can drive us all to the strip club (with free stage side buffet).
0300 Quilly’s wife arrives to bail C2 members out of the county lock-up.