I hate to break it to you but some of your Zombie Apocalypse survival ideas are just fraking stupid.

Yeah.  Some days I swear the nameplate on my door says “Dude inside has all day to listen to your genius plan to survive Da Apoc”.  Well I do listen and I’ll let you in on a secret, most of them are not very genius at all.  Honestly most of them go from simply “sucky” to “are you shitting me stupid”.  Let me just put this upfront:  if your plan involves a chainsaw then it’s probably not well thought out and you should probably just keep it to yourself.  I mean really folks, have you not read the Zombie Survival Guide?  If you’re going to pepper me with questions, or ask me to review your plan, then at least do the basic research first.  I don’t think I’m asking too much here.  So go read the damn book and maybe then you’ll at least come up with a “decent” plan to survive Da Apoc.  Or you’ll at least keep the conversation interesting.  I do particularly like some back and forth on the merits and detractors of lighting zombies on fire.  But chainsaws? No.  That’s still just stupid.


While I’m at it……. NO, your “plan” is not to come to my house.  Forget it. No way my office amigo.    (A) You can pretty much bet I don’t owe you a damn thing.  (B) Supplies for my family in Da Apoc are way more important that you “skill” at crochet or some shit like advanced origami.  (C) You never refill the fraking coffee pot.  (D) You already come to work sick.  Coughing and sneezing.  Being a plague carrying asshole does not endear you  to the compound committee.  (E) If you can’t shoot, perform first aid, fish, hunt , fix shit, make a fire, run a still…….. essentially anything worthwhile, then why the hell would I want you around for the collapse of civilization?


Where the hell was I?  Oh yeah, if your Apoc plan involves a chainsaw then it sucks.  Do it over again and stay the frak out of my office already.  Someone’s been stealing my Gummy Bears off my desk and you are now the prime suspect.  That’s not a good place to be by the way……

soul of the evil squirrel

About The Pissed Off Tree Rat

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2 Responses to I hate to break it to you but some of your Zombie Apocalypse survival ideas are just fraking stupid.

  1. salgak says:

    Well, my plan DOES include a chainsaw, but that’s only to cut sufficient trees to make a palisade and funnel into my Zombie Trap.

    First, using bulldozer (with full cage) and backhoe, dig a circular pit, Say, 30 feet deep by 60 foot diameter. Install inner palisade of tree trunks approximately 1 foot from wall of pit.

    Fill gap between palisade and wall with good grade of concrete: allow to set.

    Built ABOVE-ground palisade around pit, with funnel entrance and droppable gate. Place noisemaker in central pit. Set off noisemaker from safe spot above outer palisade.

    Allow zombies to swarm, enter through funnel, drop into pit.

    When sufficient zombies are in pit, flood with diesel and ignite.

    Rinse and repeat as necessary. . . .

  2. I had a similar idea, but with using a person as bait. If we like said person then we’ll devise a way to pull them up. Otherwise…………. well then we deal with two issues at the same time.

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