Man rams the front door of a Baltimore TV station with a stolen dump truck at 11:45 today. By noon Governor Martin O’Malley signed into law two pieces of legislation that will help the State prepare for the future impacts of this obvious surge in dump truck attacks by anti media right wing radicals. The first law bans future purchases of all trucks with the “potential, or conceivable capability” to be used in a similar manner as a “dump truck” including specified makes with needless factory installed excess capacity to “dump” far beyond a reasonable expectation of moving groceries. All models of F-Series, Silverado and Ram are now clearly banned. Of course hybrids are exempted. Grandfathering is allowed for previously owned “dump” type vehicles but vehicle registration fees will double every year the vehicle remains in the state and the owner must also pass a mental/physical validate by the DMV each year. All grandfathered “dumpers” in the state must also be store in a locked facility no less than 500 yards from any domestic residence, school, place of business or roadway.
The last law passed immediately puts in place a 2% payroll tax to be used for a state wide “Redneck Reduction” campaign in a contract sole sourced directly to the University of Maryland’s Woman’s Studies Department. This tax will be supplemented by an automatic additional $20-per-pass toll fee to all of the potential “dumpers” passing through Maryland on I95.
Governor Martin O’Malley stated at the signing that “Not only will this save our children, reduce taxes, ensure the Russians leave the rest of Eastern Europe alone, ensure the enduring capability of the internet to post cute kitten pics, it will also allow you to keep your doctor and reduce your medical premiums.”.
Sounds legit to me…….